Everyone Teaching

Jesus, it seems everyone has something to say. Everyone wishes to be teachers and share what they have learned. This could be beautiful but is it the root of all of our confusion? Which religion knows the way? Which spiritual practice has the key? Which part of the world holds the sacred spaces? Which book contains the knowledge that will set me free?

I just read the manuscript of a man who speaks of how new age has completely distorted the term Kundalini Awakening. I couldn’t agree more and yet I see that the art of all teachers seeks to define the wrong thing (the enemy) in order to create the contrast needed to create the “right thing”. It’s a part of sales at our primal core – to identify a need for correction or error.

Why do we need a teacher outside of ourselves? I’ve asked this question to you and to myself and to others to a point of exhaustion. I don’t think it’s coincidence that you continually lead me back to the night I died. It was there that I experienced the helplessness and fear of having no one to speak to or scream out to. I didn’t have a parent to save me, a romantic love to come looking for me or even a telephone within reach to call the authorities and dial 911. I was doomed and yet I fought with all my strength to find a solution until finally giving in and accepting the weight of the truth that I was in fact – doomed.

But that’s where I found the doorway that is called you. To even attempt to tell myself that I am God or I am strong or I have the solution would be forget the most transformative and mysterious night of my entire existence in this incarnation to earth. I absolutely did reach the end of myself to meet you. And even then I couldn’t behold you or even explain you to myself. I only know you are. I know you love me. I know you are connected to me and care for me in a way I can’t comprehend and even my own self hatred or self destruction can’t place an end to my existence. Your love overcomes me.

They don’t know you. I learned that after I woke from a coma and visited at least a dozen churches. The closest I came to finding the “essence” of your presence was in a little warehouse pop-up church where a group of bikers met to worship you. They gathered in their leather jackets, covered from head to toe in tattoos and they walked into the room as a cloud of humility encompassed them.

We live in a time when everyone seems to be trying to find out who they are. We are seeking individualization and awakening at the level of self. I too have tried to walk this journey as I’ve bene so confused by my own emotions and experiences – including the one that I don’t understand and have researched until I arrived at the term “Kundalini Awakening”. I don’t want to spit on the ancient belief systems of cultures that coined this phrase. Yet I don’t see the key in the texts – I’ve looked endlessly. They speak of “I am” and I can say that phrase too. But in the root of my own truth each time I attempt go down this tunnel I end up in a state of inferior surrender to a hierchy I can’t describe but can only feel. I am yours. I am not in control of my existence. I am only at my strongest when I’m weak for there is where I meet you time and time again. And in each encounter I discover once more that I am loved beyond any form of definition of that word.

I try to describe you and put you in words but years of doing so has led me to a big question mark time and time again. You are a great mystery. You come and go without my control and there are times I seek you and can’t find you. I cry and shake and tremble and feel you for a fleeting moment. Then you will appear without warning and give me a new cup full of hope and strength. You give me dreams and then you humble me to see that the dreams are not the way. You give me visions and cause me to wait for something I have no physical reason to believe will ever come. You give me silence so that I can remember to hear your voice and you repeatedly move me away and then close again to meet you as if we are meeting for the first time. You are endless and I want to know you more – but I must wait.

I feel anger when I see selfishness. I understand its demise. I understand it’s terror. I understand it’s doorway to a lonely life and beyond. But I can’t defeat it anyone other than myself. So today Lord, I ask you to give me your love in all things. It’s my son’s birthday and I haven’t seen him on his birthday in many years. His car has a flat tire and he feels guilty for asking for help and I wish for that to be removed. I wish for him to know that he’s loved the way you let me know I am loved when I’m at my lowest point. When I feel like a mistake or like a failure you have never met me there with an “I told you so” or a “what a shame” glance. You love us so much. You love us so much and I’m just crying as I type this because it’s so beautiful that we could be so loved without needing to perform. You don’t care what we’ve done or what mistakes we’ve made. You don’t see our human nature you see our light. You see the particle of God’s love that you placed inside of us as the gift that can never pass away and in that we are forever part of you. You will never leave us because it would be leaving part of yourself. I don’t know why you love us. I don’t understand – we’re a such a mess but you do. You love us beyond what we could ever frame into words.

You love the sinner as much as you love the saint. You love the wealthy and the poor. You love the strong and the weak. You don’t see us through the lens of time where we eb and flow in the seasons of life but you see us through the lens of eternity – where there is no human, but only your light remains.

I don’t know why I know this about you. I don’t know why I have memory of the lights and one that you’ve assigned to me too. I don’t know why every pathway I take into dark, deep things leads me back to the light but I know it’s the ultimate truth. When the outer body is disassembled into the temporary understanding of its temporary purpose, nothing is lost but more is instead gained. I am not the body. I am not the thoughts. I am not the identity that this world gave to me. I am your light – always and forever and made immortal by your love.

I see the baracaded hearts and I weep. I wish there were no boundaries placed upon us and that we could all touch your essence and flow with your beauty. I wish that we could know the truth of our beauty not because we are beautiful but because the you in us is beautiful. I wish we could dance in the music of the heavens and sway in the colors of your joy towards us. I wish we could be purified and our skin would again glow with luminaries of all you have created in love.

Make me your light today. Pour into me the laughter, joy and immortal secrets of your creation and the perfect love that casts out all fear.

In the blood of Jesus I pray this with belief that the Holy essence poured into this earth will speak back to me under this sun.

Amen.

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You Write in the Sand

Ok Jesus, I think I’m a slow learner. But I’m seeing something tonight about the power of your blood that was placed in the ground – it was deposited in the rocks. So you left your Holy Blood that has the power to not only heal but to convict hearts and change our stories inside of the earth. It’s in the ground. You demonstrated where you work when you bent down and wrote in the sand when those people were about to stone the woman to death. You didn’t argue with them or physically fight with them, you wrote into the sand and when you did that they received what you did in their hearts and it caused them to walk away convicted in their hearts and they left her alone and at peace. Also, she was in silence in that moment. She didn’t argue or try to defend herself she remained silent while you worked and allowed you to do your job to defend her.

So I’ve been praying for you to change hearts. I’ve been asking you to do that in my letters to you but I haven’t been depositing them in the sand. You told me to make a sandbox so there’s something about the sand and the rocks and the places that hold your blood. You are in Heaven but you left your power here through your blood of peace you poured out and we can still access the power of your blood.

So I’m going to start writing these letters as you instructed me to do back in 2018 and I’m going to find places to bury them. I would assume that I should do this in LA – although the angels told me that it doesn’t matter where I’m at as they said, “Anything, Anytime, Anywhere.”

Thank you these revelations and thank you for stopping the internet today when I typed that message in response to D. I was about to go to war for my desires and feelings again and you divinely stopped that message from reaching him. You are showing me to hold my peace and give no response – “yes and no answers only”. You are teaching me to respond as I did when I had to talk to those attorneys – don’t let anyone rattle me. Just yes and no answers only when I feel interrogated or blamed or attached in any way and to let you handle it.

I also feel like you’re showing me tonight that the prayers with the candles are for receiving. The Saints were the peacemakers on earth and they prayed with candles because they knew that when that smoke mixed with their prayers hte angels would expedite them to your throne and their prayers would eventually fill that cup. The prayers of the Saints fill a cup at the throne of God and then an angel pours that cup out upon the earth to execute judgement.

Our prayers are powerful for communicating the pain in this world and what we endure is not wasted it’s meant to be released and poured out in prayer where it’s deposited into your golden cup.

Tonight I ask you to give me more. If I’m to meet with these women in a prayer group, please help me to guide them by your Holy Spirit and show me how to use their hearts, pain and fiery desire within to pray what you would have us pray for. The delusions of this world have trapped many of our men in cycles. You see this. They are choosing the world over love and many of them fear love. How do we pray for your power to come down and convict their hearts? How do we pray for them to be given new hearts…….

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